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Biden speaks at White House correspondents' dinner

President Biden cracked jokes at the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on Saturday night.

Video Transcript

JOE BIDEN: After all, I believe in the First Amendment, not just because my good friend, Jimmy Madison, wrote it.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

Look--

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

--a lot of ways, this dinner sums up my first two years in office.

[APPLAUSE]

I'll talk for 10 minutes, take zero questions, and cheerfully walk away.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah, I know. I just announced my re-election campaign.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Some of you-- some of you scooped that I announced in the video. But really, really all thought in your heart that I just blurt it out, didn't you?

[LAUGHTER]

- We tried.

[LAUGHTER]

JOE BIDEN: And look, I get that age is completely reasonable issue. It's on everybody's mind. And everyone-- by everyone, I mean, "The New York Times." Headline-- "Biden's Advanced Age is the Big Issue. Trump's, However, is not."

[LAUGHTER]

So that was "The New York Times" pitch spot. I apologize.

[LAUGHTER]

I love that guy. I should do an interview with him.

[LAUGHTER]

You might think I don't like Rupert Murdoch. That's simply not true. How can I dislike a guy who makes me look like Harry Styles?

[LAUGHTER]

You call me old? I call it being seasoned. You say I'm ancient. I say I'm wise. You say I'm over the Hill. Don Lemon would say that's a man in his prime.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Folks, it's wonderful to be back here again, proving I haven't learned a damn thing.

[LAUGHTER]

I want everybody to have fun tonight, but please be safe. If you find yourself disoriented or confused, it's either you're drunk or Marjorie Taylor Greene.

[LAUGHTER]

Tam, thank you for hosting. I love "NPR--"

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

--because they whisper into the mic like I do.

[LAUGHTER]

But not everyone loves "NPR." Elon Musk tweeted that it should be defunded. Well, the best way to make "NPR" go away is for Elon Musk to buy it.

[LAUGHTER]

And that's more true than you think. Anyway.

[LAUGHTER]

This dinner is one of the two great traditions in Washington. The other one is underestimating me and Kamala.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

But the truth is we really have a record to be proud of. Vaccinated the nation, transformed the economy, earned historic legislative victories in midterm results, but the job isn't finished. I mean, it is finished for Tucker Carlson.

[CROWD WOOING]

What are you wooing about like that? Like you think that's not reasonable? Give me a break.

[LAUGHTER]

Just give me a break. Look, like I often say, don't compare me to the almighty. Compare me to the alternative.

[LAUGHTER]

We added 12 million jobs. That's just counting the lawyers that defendant the president.

[LAUGHTER]

Had Ron DeSantis-- I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready. But Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me, got there first.

[LAUGHTER]

Now, look, can't be too rough on the guy. After his re-election as governor, he was asked if he had a mandate. He said, hell, no, I'm straight. I'm straight. I'll give you time to think that one through.

[LAUGHTER]

You got it? Look, y'all keep reporting my approval ratings is 42%. But I think you don't know this-- Kevin McCarthy called me and asked me, Joe, what the hell is your secret?

[LAUGHTER]

I'm not even kidding about that one.

[LAUGHTER]

The Speaker is trying to claim a big win this week. But the last time a public has voted on something that hapless, it took 15 tries.

[LAUGHTER]

[CROWD MURMURING]

That was good.

[LAUGHTER]

Look, it's great that cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC owned by NBC Universal.

[CHEERING]

Fox News owned by Dominion Voting Systems.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Last year, your favorite Fox News reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated and boosted. This year, with that $787 million settlement, they're here because they couldn't say no to a free meal.

[LAUGHTER]

And hell, I'd call Fox honest, fair, and truthful. But then I could be sued for defamation.

[LAUGHTER]

And it ain't nothing compared what they do to me.

[LAUGHTER]

Look I hope the "Fox News" team finds this funny. My goal is to make them laugh as hard as "CNN" did when they read the settlement.

[LAUGHTER]

But then, again, CNN was like, wow, they actually have $787 million?

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

Whoa. Folks, I go where people are, "The Daily Show."

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Roy is a great guy. He once dubbed me the Jay-Z of Delaware.

[LAUGHTER]

Don't let that look in your face, you dig.

[LAUGHTER]

Tonight, he asked me to keep it short. Even offered me 10 bucks if I'd keep it under 10 minutes. That's a switch-- a president being offered hush money.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]