‘Everything’ fragrance smells like all 1,400 perfumes released in 2012

Remember year-end pop music mashups? I realize more than three months have passed since anyone has posted a new one and considering today’s attention span this may require a bit of memory jogging.

So for the goldfish among us: mashups are essentially long music tracks comprised of a bunch of different songs that have been seamlessly melded together into one composition. This feat is often achieved by putting the vocal of one song over the instrumental track of another. When done with skill, mashups can be downright glorious. Well, to everyone but copyright litigation teams. Then they’re glorious for a different reason.

One of the best examples of a year-end mashup comes from Vancouver’s own Daniel Kim, who virtuosically strung together more than 50 of the most popular songs of 2012 and even produced an accompanying music video.

But while this mashup format works brilliantly with certain artistic genres, a pair of Dutch artists has stretched the boundary of what people actually want to experience in conglomerate form.

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“Everything” is a monster fragrance blended from every major perfume released in 2012. All 1,400 of them.

Lernert and Sander poured tens of thousands of dollars’-worth of expensive perfume into a giant, steaming cauldron and stirred while cackling to the beat of a year-end pop mashup soundtrack. OK, so they don’t really get into detail about the production process, but that has to be close to how it went down.

The artists collected department store sample sizes of each fragrance so they didn’t sink into a black hole of debt. Their finished product sits in a mutant glass vial meant to dwarf standard perfume bottle sizes. If their satire on the beauty industry wasn’t clear before, that little detail drives the point home nicely.

Of course, the most important question: How does it smell? Does a single spray cause everyone within a four-mile radius to erupt into paroxysms of dry heaving and uncontrollable tears? Does it send those same people running to bury their noses into something – anything – that smells better, like litter boxes and week-old organic garbage bins?

Not exactly. These Dr. Frankensteins of the Netherlands describe the olfactory effect as such: "We think Everything smells of your average fragrance department store -- that wall of smell that hits you when you enter it," they told The Huffington Post. "A friend of ours thinks it smells of Chanel #5. We think it doesn't, but love the idea that all the fragrances of 2012 mixed together ends up to smelling like the most iconic smell in the world.”

Coco just did a full 180 in her grave.

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This is probably a little closer to the truth: ”When Lernert tried it on in our studio yesterday and took the tram, the unbelievably handsome man that came to sit next to him instantly got up and found another seat after smelling Everything. But hey, Everything is not for everyone,” they added.

May these evil geniuses never stop experimenting in the lab.