Christina Perri's Daughter, 5, Asked Singer About Late Baby Sister's Body: 'Been Dreading This'
Christina Perri detailed the difficult conversation with her 5-year-old in an emotional Instagram post on Wednesday
Christina Perri had to answer a devastating question posed by her 5-year-old daughter, Carmella.
Sharing her experience on Instagram Wednesday, the "A Thousand Years" singer, 36, called the unexpected car chat with her daughter the "second worst conversation I've ever had in my life" as she asked about her late baby sister, Rosie, who died during the third trimester of Perri's pregnancy with her.
"Tonight, I had the second worst conversation I've ever had in my life. Carmella finally asked me where Rosie's body went when she died. It's been 883 days and I've been dreading this question," Perri shared in a lengthy Instagram post.
"I knew she would get to it, I knew her brain would connect the dots one day, and realize we never talked about it, " she continued. "I didn't prepare myself … man, how could I have prepared myself?
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Related:Christina Perri Recalls Dissociating During Daughter's Birth After Past Trauma: 'I Was Terrified'
The "Jar of Hearts" singer said the question came "out of the blue," and after hearing it, "I froze. I stopped the car I turned around. I stared blankly at her. I took a deep breath."
Admitting she debated between the truth and a lie, she tried to hold off on the conversation.
"Out of my mouth, I said, 'Oh Carmella I'm sorry, I think I should wait til you're older to tell you,'" though the response was met with "tears streaming down her face."
"I got out of the car, I went to her and held her hand. I looked at her in the eye. I told her how hard this was to understand, but I told her. I explained ever so gently, and just the fact," she continued. "Out came so much grief and pain. So many tears. She was screaming, 'Why is she not here with us?! I don't want her to be dead! I don't want her to be dead.'"
"I didn't think my heart could break more. It did," Perri, who is also mom to daughter Pixie Rose, 5 months.
Perri explained she "calmed her and comforted her," trying to "help her understand and help her accept the unacceptable."
"We got home, and she asked to hold her tiny cremation box. I told her I was waiting to show it to her, and she smiled," Perri wrote.
"Somehow, she found joy. She loved the color and the writing and asked about her name and said it was 'gorgeous.' She asked if she could keep it in her room and keep her close to her forever. She asked me 100 questions, the most beautiful questions I have ever heard."
"We cried in each other's arms. 883 days later, we cried like the first day," Perri shared, also urging expectant moms to honor Rosie's memory by getting a blood clotting disorder test.
"I should never have had to have this conversation with my child, and I hope you never do," she concluded.
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