Prepare To Burst Out Laughing At These 28 Kids Who Said The Most Unexpectedly Hilarious Things
Reddit user u/SolidUltra asked the community to share the weirdest or funniest things a kid has ever said to them. The thread quickly filled with hilarious stories of kids shocking adults with their unhinged comments. Here's what people shared:
1."My kid farted and said, 'There’s a duck in my butt!' She was 3 at the time. I lost it."
2."I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She burst into tears and said, 'But these are the only feet I've got!'"
3."An adorable 4-year-old trick-or-treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy-Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I gave her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'"
4."My son, at 9 years old, told me I couldn't give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was no nut November."
5."My stepdaughter was about 5 or 6 when I got pregnant with her half-brother. I was getting dressed one morning, and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7-8 months pregnant belly and asked, 'Why did the baby write all over your tummy'? It's still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!"
6."When I was at my girlfriend's place for the third time or so, her niece asked my girlfriend if she wanted to marry me. My girlfriend laughed and said, 'No, it's way too early.' Her 7-year-old niece then said, 'That's right. Better look for a guy with more qualities.' I was speechless."
7."When I went to wake my son up to get ready for school, the very first thing he said to me was, 'Daddy, my butt has a crack in it!'"
8."Yesterday, a kid said to me, 'You look like you suck at basketball.'"
9."My stepdaughter fell onto her arse. Apparently, she hurt her 'buttknuckle.'"
10."I was studying for a math exam in college, and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. The little guy found his way into my room, said he was good at math, and asked if he could help. I said, 'Eh, I don't know. How do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?' and this kid, confidently and without missing a beat, said, 'With a pencil.'"
11."My mom was looking at baby photos of me and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. I asked where my younger brother was since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with, 'He's in mommy's tummy.' This was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by, 'YOU ATE HIM???'"
12."I had a little kid ask me how much I get paid at my job in front of my coworker. Then, after I said I couldn't say, he asked why. I had to attempt to explain why grown-ups don't do that, and then he goes, 'So, not a lot then?' I was just defeated at that point. Why didn't the mom didn't intervene? Beats me!"
13."My then-4-year-old was wearing a Darth Vader t-shirt that said 'VADER' across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the 'A' was lined up to the triangle on Vader's mask. Pretty cool, right? My conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied, 'Thanks! And hey, look. The mouth is the a-hole!!' 💀 I think my uncle's soul left his body. My kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard."
14."I was doing a kid puzzle with my niece when she was really young. I was putting the pieces in the wrong spots on purpose, and she looked at me and said, 'I'm not going to do puzzles with you anymore. You don't know how.'"
15."Not to me, but my friend's daughter said to him: 'Daddy? Does mommy know you're my daddy?'"
16."I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently said, 'I can make all the traffic lights turn green...eventually.' It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!"
17."I was talking to my 4-year-old cousin and I said something along the lines of, 'Oh, that's legit,' and she said, 'The word legit scares me. It makes me think of monsters.' I'm not sure what forged that association in her brain."
18."My 5-year-old calls the concession stand at arenas the 'concussion stand.' It has gotten us some weird looks."
19."Our first-grade daughter told us that she broke up with her crush. She said, 'I don't have a crush on him anymore. He is so annoying. I want somebody serious, smart, who actually listens and makes a good team.' We asked her the details, and she told us she was partnered with her crush during their class activity, and they only got one point because this particular boy was just so silly and not good at listening."
20."My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes. He misunderstood and confidently said, 'There are butts in space.' I guess he heard 'butthole' instead of 'black hole.'"
21."I worked at daycare for a bit, and they said funny stuff all the time. One of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety, and the main teacher asked the class: 'What do you do if you’re on fire?' A 3-year-old girl shot her hand up in the air and yelled, 'STOP, DROP, AND ROCK 'N ROLL!!!'"
22."This is one of the cutest things my friend’s kid said to me. He was doing karaoke at my house and I said, 'Kid, you’re a rock star!' He responded all emotional and said, 'Noooo, I’m little!'"
23."I briefly worked as a volunteer at a preschool (ages 3-5), and I was sitting helping a couple of the kids put a puzzle together, and one of them randomly said, 'Can I rap for you?' I was surprised but thought, how bad could it be? He then proceeded to rap while his buddy attempted to beatbox."
24."I was helping my grandmother grocery shop with my much younger cousins. I took one to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, said, 'Look! It's grandma's special juice!' while pointing at the wine aisle."
25."One of my favorites was when my 7-year-old cousin and his family took a road trip to get to our place for Christmas. This little guy hopped out of the minivan and ran toward my dad, screaming, 'Nuts up, Mr. Brian!' and punched my dad right in the balls. Funniest thing I've ever seen."
26."That I look like an egg, lol."
27."Not me, but a friend. His young son was being naughty, so he left the room for a moment. My friend went and told his partner, 'Our lad is being a right arsehole!' The son came marching in and shouted: 'I AM NOT A PARCEL!'"
28.And: "My cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden, they heard him singing 'Baby Got Back,' which Donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was, 'I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie.'"
Kids are natural comedians. What's the funniest thing you've ever heard a kid say? Tell us in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
