Former 'Bachelorette' DeAnna Pappas 'Rode Every Wave of Grief,' Got Help from Trauma Center After Her Divorce
The former reality star detailed the "life-changing" therapy she received after ending her 12-year marriage to Stephen Stagliano
DeAnna Pappas/ Instagram
DeAnna Pappas is shining a light on the grieving process that many couples go through after divorce.
During a guest spot on Courtney Robertson's After Reality podcast by Game of Roses, the former Bachelorette star discussed the intense level of emotion she felt after she and Stephen Stagliano decided to end their 12-year marriage.
“I have rode every wave of grief that could possibly be ridden," Pappas, 41, told the fellow Bachelor Nation alum, 40.
When she and Stagliano first announced their split in January, Pappas said that she didn't do it "until I was ready to do it. We had been separated for probably six months before then. I wanted to be sure that that was what was going to happen.”
Related: Former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas Stagliano and Husband Stephen Split After 12 Years of Marriage
Unfortunately, Pappas said they had experienced a tough couple of years and just couldn't make it through.
“I went to a trauma center back in December and I went three days a week for three hours — intensive therapy," the mental health advocate and mom of two shared. "The best thing I could have done for myself. I found it astounding and life-changing."
“Relationships ending, in general, are just hard," she added. "They’re just hard. You’ve spent so much time with someone, right? I mean, I was married for almost 12 years — we were together almost 15. That’s a lifetime…”
"Now that I’ve done so much therapy, I realize there’s so much more to relationships, you know what I mean? I’m an Anxious Attachment [personality type] I know that about myself now and I didn’t know that before. I know that now because of the trauma that I experienced at a young age. I’m a product of divorce, my parents divorced when I was really young so for me, I have spent the last year doing a lot of work on myself," she continued.
Pappas and Stagliano were first introduced by Stephen’s twin brother, Michael Stagliano, from Jillian Harris’s season of The Bachelorette, and his then-girlfriend Holly Durst, from Matt Grant’s season of The Bachelor.
Not yet ready to date, Pappas — who intends to write a book and pursue her dream of hosting a cooking show in the near future — told Robertson she's staying busy with her and Stagliano's two kids, Addison Marie, 9, and Austin Michael, 7.
Robertson, who also works as a real estate agent, has two children of her own — Joaquin Ramon, 3, and Paloma Ruby, 19 months, with her husband Humberto Preciado — so she can relate as a working mother herself. The well-spoken women bonded over their time on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette — and present-day mom snacks, "Cheetos and rosé," Robertson shared with a laugh.
Courtney Robertson
As for Pappas, the flight attendant is trying to get out and do more activities with friends when Stagliano is on dad duty.
“I’m always amazed with people who can start dating right away because there is an emotional piece that you have to physically let go and mourn the loss of that relationship," Pappas said.
"That’s a long time and he’s the father of my children. No one has known me better to my core than him. I’ve really spent the time to mourn and grieve the loss of that relationship because it was really difficult for me," she said. "I likely would have spent the next 20 years trying to make it work, but that’s because I’m loyal to a fault.”
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Meanwhile, Pappas and Stagliano are just trying to be as cool as possible as they continue to navigate co-parenting and single life. Their divorce is not yet finalized, but Pappas said they've "already split everything up."
"We are doing our best to be really kind to one another."
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