The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Mar. 2-8)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Whenever I see an article about soda being bad I'm like right. Exceptfor tiny can of ginger ale, surely ?
— raina (@quakerraina) March 4, 2024
They just called for “Jennifer” three times in the waiting room, and I have anxiety so there was a second where I wondered if my name was actually Jennifer
— angela “turns pastors into poets” weiler-hammond (@AngelaEWeiler) March 4, 2024
Therapist wants me to start journaling about my feelings pic.twitter.com/zuKnhQtP4P
— Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD (@jacasiegel) March 7, 2024
If you're worried about people remembering every embarrassing thing you did, think about it. Can you remember other people's embarrassing moments? No. That's because you're the only one who's ever done something embarrassing. What the fuck is wrong with you lmao
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) March 6, 2024
Bring back old names, let me meet a toddler named Earl & his best friend Larry
— 𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜 (@goldimocks) March 4, 2024
I hate when doctors knock before they come in. Like what do you want me to say “who is it?”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) March 5, 2024
time comes in every woman’s life when she stops wasting time with the vulgar onion and finds solace in the arms of the subtle & sensitive shallot
— audrey horne (@credenzaclear2) March 5, 2024
Yeah I’m interested in Dune 2… Dune 2 others as I would have others do unto me
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) March 3, 2024
have you ever been soo stressed and you look in the mirror and you are like wow ok great i’m fucking ugly too
— ava! (@F41rygirl) March 4, 2024
Why does a can of biscuits open like that. Is life not scary enough
— Tina Sieben (@wnbawife) March 5, 2024
Having a dramatic falling out with somebody is so embarrassing .. people will be like “what happened” and now you have to sound like a 7-year-old
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 4, 2024
I don’t want to rise and grind, I want to stay cozy and just mosey
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 4, 2024
the exact moment the mushrooms hit and my friends brought out a giant piñata of my head pic.twitter.com/iHZ5aI9t7D
— steph McCann (@steph_mcca) March 3, 2024
Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be in the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.
— Fran (@whingewine) March 5, 2024
If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you, it's rural.
If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops, it's suburban.
If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you, it's urban.
If you're naked on the front porch and…— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔻𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕖 (@SundaeDivine) March 4, 2024
my book club told me i had to stop choosing books that were just "sad girls thinking things"
— Madeleine Aggeler (@mmaggeler) March 4, 2024
My friend said she’s not okay and I offered to pray for her and this was the response? pic.twitter.com/eRz6XgbCfL
— A knockout🤍 (@caslee_x) March 5, 2024
why does trader joe’s always have the most insane recalls like oh sorry there’s permanent marker in the soup dumplings. we got rocks in our frozen meatballs. what’s next you got a printer in cartridge in the everything bagels. the fuck you guys doing over there
— mads (@madsagascar) March 6, 2024
I’ve been seeing this emoji -🫂- for a while and since I wear glasses somethings are not really distinguishable. Everytime I saw it, I thought to myself “why did this person reply with a movie camera but ok?”
— 𝓜53♕ ☠︎ 🐈⬛🍒 (@contradiction70) March 4, 2024
Fridge ice dispenser- when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor
— Heatherhere ☃️ (@Heatinblack) March 4, 2024
I honestly don't believe *everybody* was Kung Fu fighting.
— 🍹 Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock (@kimmie_c_) March 4, 2024
Autocorrect just turned “Think of others for a change” into “Think of otters for a change”, and now I agree that’s a better solution.
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 4, 2024
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work
— Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould) March 4, 2024
At some point somebody looked at lentils and said "I'm gonna eat these pebbles"
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 4, 2024
I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 5, 2024
opened twitter for the first time in months just to see if instagram was down. this is the checks and balances that our forefathers dreamed of
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) March 5, 2024
me getting emotional after finishing one of the best books i’ve ever read while also forgetting almost everything that happened in it: pic.twitter.com/VpbMJbXPjF
— mau (@villainsaints) March 5, 2024
when abba said “i was sick and tired of everything when i called you last night from glasgow” they had just come from the willy wonka experience there
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) March 5, 2024
She died doing what she loved. Walking into the road while saying "Pedestrians have right of way"
— 🍃 (@cardamomkiss) March 6, 2024
Me as a kid: I can handle anything that comes my way!
Me as an adult: I hurt myself sneezing and they rearranged my grocery store. I don’t think I can go on.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 5, 2024
every time i pay rent, i get a notification from my bank being like “did you buy something big?” uh ya literally just a month’s worth of shelter
— chase (@_chase_____) March 5, 2024
Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?
— 😺Cat😺 (@CatHunterESPN) March 5, 2024
Never mind Prince Charming, where the fuck are these forest animals that clean?
— Cali (@calidaysay) March 5, 2024
"lots to think about" okay maybe for u. ur prob a level 1 thinker. personally, i've already thought of everything
— summer ♡ (@summerahrens) March 6, 2024
Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.
— 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚊 𝙺𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝙱𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 (@shegot99problms) March 4, 2024
