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Judges order 4-year-old boy not to wear girls' clothes in southeastern Alberta city

The mom of a young boy who she says identifies as a girl plans to launch a human rights complaint against the family court judges in Medicine Hat who ordered him not to wear girl clothing in public. (Photo contributed)

Susan Smith says she remembers walking out of the court room in Medicine Hat last December in shock after a judge ordered her four-year-old son not be allowed to wear feminine clothing in public.

It happened in family court during a custody battle. Smith was the primary caregiver. CBC News is not using her real name to protect the identity of the child.

"My first reaction to that was kind of like an out-of-body experience, like this isn't my life, this isn't happening, and then complete fear of how am I going to break it to my kid," says Smith. 

Smith's family's story begins a few years ago when her young son, who's now five, first started telling Smith he was a girl.

 

"And when they're really that young it's really cute ... and I just left it like that."

But over time Smith says he became more insistent, introducing himself as a girl to others, and when she'd say things like "you're such a good boy," he'd act out in frustration and anger.

Wake-up call

Then one day, when he was four, Smith says he asked her how old she was when her penis fell off.

"I explained to them the female and male anatomy and that what you get when you're born is what remains your entire life," says Smith.

A few days later she says he woke up in the middle of the night telling her he was going to cut off his penis.

"My child was severely unhappy and was prepared to do anything to prove to mom that they were not a boy. It was basically like a ton of bricks, I got hit. It was a major wake up call."

Smith says she then sought some professional help, started researching gender dysphoria, and decided to acknowledge her child's preferred identity.

"Our eyes locked and it was maybe the millionth time they told me they were a girl ... and I promised I was going to do whatever I could to validate and support them and to be that one person they could go to."

She says as soon as she did, the outbursts and the tantrums were replaced with a happy, confident child.

3 judges involved

Smith and the child's father are separated and share custody.

Smith says she told the father what had happened and about her decision to support their child. Weeks later he served her with papers seeking primary custody, blaming Smith for the child's gender confusion and anxiety.

When the two went to family court in Medicine Hat in December, 2015, Judge D.G. Redman kept Smith as primary caregiver, but in his interim order, said the child will not be permitted to wear clearly female clothes in public, but if he chooses, he could do so in private.

Then earlier this year in February, the case went before Judge F.C. Fisher and in his interim order, he again stated the clothing restriction and granted primary custody to the father. Smith was given limited access.

By this past September, the interim clothing order was revised by a third provincial court judge. Judge G.K Krinke said after consulting with a parenting expert, the parents must provide both boy and girl clothing options and the child can then choose from those options.

Bill of Rights protects clothing choices

Angela Reid, with the Trans Equality Society of Alberta, says this unusual court order dictating the type of clothing a child wears goes against Alberta's Bill of Rights.

She says gender identity and gender expression are both protected, and the legislation does not require a diagnosis of transgenderism or any other medical condition; they apply to everyone.

"If it's actually a boy who thinks he's a boy but he wants to wear dresses anyway, that is totally okay, and that should not be prevented by the court," says Reid.

Reid says this is the third case she's seen like this. However it's the only one involving a child in a custody case. In the other situations, she says it's the parents who aren't being allowed to dress in the clothing of their choice when visiting their children.

"The fact that we're seeing multiple cases where someone's gender expression is being dictated by the court tells us that perhaps a more visible ruling that, that it's not okay in our court system, would be very useful," says Reid.

Smith says she doesn't know if her child is just curious, or is transgender, but she says it doesn't matter to her. She says what does matter is that the courts respect the right to one's gender expression.

She plans to launch a human rights complaint against the two judges. And continue to fight to regain primary custody.

"I'm not going to hide under a rock and just give up, this is still a big fight."

CBC News reached out to the father's lawyer, but he has declined to comment.