Nessa Barrett Recalls Her First Suicide Attempt at 14: 'I Was in So Much Pain'
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Editor's Note: This story includes details of a suicide attempt.
Nessa Barrett is opening up about her journey with mental health.
Speaking to host Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast on Wednesday, the "die first" singer recounted the challenges she's faced with mental health — and her first suicide attempt at 14 years old.
"I started going to therapy at 6," Barrett, 20, told Cooper, 28, while noting she endured a couple of brain injuries from playing sports growing up. "Living at home was hard for me. When I was 14 ... I spiraled. The trauma that my brain had exacerbated all of my mental health and everything went terrible. I developed really bad ADHD. I couldn't go to school."
"I overdosed — on a medication that I was prescribed to aid my concussion and the pain that came with it, my migraines and all that stuff. I was at my dad's house at the time and I think he was making dinner. I was upstairs in my room and he kept calling me down for dinner and I guess I wasn't answering. And I don't remember much."
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After she overdosed, Barrett sat down to write a letter to all of her loved ones — and all she can remember after that was her father finding her and freaking out.
"I was very impulsive... because of my ADHD and I was so deeply depressed," she said, recalling what she was feeling in that moment. "When it got worse because of my concussions I felt like I was insane and that there was no getting better and I was done. I felt like I was a burden to my family and I caused so much pain because of how I was, mentally."
The worst part of the entire experience, she said, was knowing that her younger brother saw what she was going through. "I felt like I scarred him for life," she said.
After spending three days in the hospital on suicide watch, she was sent to a psychiatric hospital for the first time.
"I think that my parents were more mad at me than anything, which was so hard for me to deal with. I was in so much pain," the "dying on the inside" singer said.
And though her experience at the hospital was terrifying at first, she said that for the first time ever, she felt like she "belonged."
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Looking back, she's happy she went: "Thank God [I] was in there, because I wouldn't be where I am now."
Following the death of her friend Cooper Noriega, Barrett attempted suicide again earlier this year, necessitating another hospital stay. Earlier this month, she spoke to PEOPLE about the effort she's making to get better.
"I've really tried to just get my head straight, and just focus on music, and the album, and really make sure that I'm busy," she said. "That way I don't really think too much. But therapy helps too."
Later in the interview with Cooper, Barrett said she realized that "I want to be there to make an impact for those struggling. I still have so much to do."
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
