Nick Carter Opens Up About Coping with Grief of Losing His Brother Aaron: 'It Hurts'

"I'm still processing the whole situation and trying to make sense of it," Nick said of Aaron's sudden death in November 2022

Nick Carter is reflecting on losing his brother Aaron Carter as he marks the one-year anniversary of his death.

The Backstreet Boys singer, 43, said he still has a difficult time accepting that Aaron is gone. "It's still unbelievable to me," Nick told E! News of Aaron's sudden death on Nov. 5, 2022, at the age of 34. "I'm still processing the whole situation and trying to make sense of it — because it hasn't."

"But I'm hoping that one day I can make sense of it all," he added.

Aaron, who struggled with substance abuse and mental health issues, was found dead in the bathtub of his California home. The Los Angeles County Medical Examiner-Coroner later stated in a report that Carter was "incapacitated while in the bathtub" after having inhaled difluoroethane and taken alprazolam, which ultimately led to his accidental drowning.

Nick told E! News he also struggles with the fact that he can no longer talk to his brother. "No matter what he and I had gone through in our lives, we always were able to make amends, always were able to get back to that place, and now I can't anymore and it hurts," he explained.

Amid his grief, Nick has been leaning on his family for support, including wife Lauren Kitt Carter and their three children, Odin, 7, Saoirse, 4, and Pearl, 2.

"My children are my everything," he said. "If I lost everything, if I wasn't a Backstreet Boy anymore, if I didn't have the opportunity to still perform for people and entertain them, as long as I still had my kids and still had my family, I'd be OK. All this stuff on the outside doesn't matter to me."

Related: Aaron Carter's Death: The Details Behind His Sudden Passing

Nick said that "trying to be the best father that I can" and throwing himself into the daily routine of raising his kids has helped ease his grief. "That's what I focus on," he explained. "Being present with my children, listening to them, parent-teacher conferences, driving them to school, taking them to Halloweens and being there when they want to trick-or-treat."

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Related: Nick Carter Shares Emotional New Tribute Song for Late Brother Aaron: 'Miss You with All My Heart'

Back in January, Nick paid tribute to his late brother with a new song written in his honor. On the emotional track "Hurts to Love You," he sings how he hoped Aaron could have conquered his demons: "Always hoped your tomorrows/Would be better than the days before/I hoped you'd find your road to follow/To a place you were happy in this world."

In an Instagram post the day after Aaron's death, Nick echoed that same sentiment as he touched on his "complicated" relationship with his sibling. "Even though my brother and I have had a complicated relationship, my love for him has never ever faded," he wrote. "I have always held on to the hope that he would somehow, someday want to walk a healthy path and eventually find the help that he so desperately needed."

"Sometimes we want to blame someone or something for a loss, but the truth is that addiction and mental illness is the real villain here," he added.

Related: Nick Carter and Backstreet Boys Tearfully Honor Aaron Carter at London Concert: 'Heavy Hearts'

In the 2023 Hulu documentary Aaron Carter: The Little Prince of Pop, Nick's fellow Backstreet Boys band member AJ McLean recounted helping Aaron check into rehab five years before his death.

"2017, Aaron reached out to me, asked me for help. I said, 'Look, if you get on a plane, come out to L.A., I will make sure you get into treatment.' And he showed up," McLean, 45, said. "I was shocked, but I was happy, and he checked into a treatment center in Malibu."

Sadly, Aaron's stay was short-lived. "A couple days later, I talked to him, and then he kind of went off the map. I think it was maybe two weeks, so I called my friends at the treatment center, and they said he checked himself out," McLean continued.

Aaron left behind a son, Prince, who turns 2 on Nov. 22.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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