Professor Green opens up on the heartbreak of losing his dad in tonight's episode of Freeze the Fear, where he admits he has found himself thinking about his loss again since having his own son.
The rapper, 38, is known for his hit track Read All About It which he collaborated on with Emeli Sande, but as Freeze the Fear co-star Chelcee Grimes asks him about it, he tells the true story of tragedy that inspired it.
He says: "That song, it wasn't meant to be a hit. It was about my dad took his own life."
Professor Green, real name Stephen Manderson, says that his dad was a loving, charming person but that he would go missing for long periods of time during his childhood.
He tells how the last time he saw his dad was on his 18th birthday, a few years before his death.
The musician tells the group in the BBC One show: "I always wanted the praise from him that I never got, so even after he passed I was still pushing for that. He was someone that I loved, a gorgeous, gorgeous man, he was a s*** father but he was a really gorgeous human being.
"I could never get my head around why he did what he did."
He adds: "That song opened me up to things I didn't know naively I was going to walk into because I didn't foresee that being a hit.
"It was bittersweet because the only thing I thought is, had my dad not have done that things would have been completely different, but I would have had my dad.
"It was a turning point for me, I took a long hard look at myself. Obviously, you worry about things like that being hereditary and I didn't want to go the same way."
Last year, Green welcomed his first child, a son, with his partner Karima McAdams and he explains to the group that he takes anti-depressants after "hitting a rock last year", adding that his depression diagnosis "took a weight off my shoulders".
He says: "It's been difficult. When I look at me holding my little boy, I'm thinking about him (dad) holding me.
"I'm at a point in life where I really want to start taking care of myself, not least of all because I've got a son that I want to grow old with."
Freeze the Fear with Wim Hof airs at 9pm tonight (Tuesday) on BBC One.
Watch: Professor Green believes 'baby brain' made him forget lyrics during comeback show