Romantic chatbots offer virtual love, but nothing beats human companionship

Move over, Bumble. Take a hike, Tinder. Dating apps are so 2020. There’s something new for the amorously inclined.

Finding romance has always been a matter of luck, good timing and — let’s be honest here — managing to look somewhat attractive. No wonder we’ve always needed help in that department. Love can be as elusive as a ghost orchid in the Everglades.

(Though I’m married, I know all about The Hunt from my single friends. They probably aren’t aware of this, but their war stories of weird first dates and missed connections help me appreciate The Hubby that much more.)

At any rate, the search for a love match is getting a reboot in this tech era, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that romantic chatbots are a very “real” thing. Seriously. You can now have your relationship needs met by a robot. Sounds creepy? Yup, but I’m not the intended audience.

Human-robot affairs are hardly new, at least not for Hollywood. Remember that 2013 film “Her,” which featured an introverted man, in the middle of a divorce, falling for a virtual assistant? Many of us considered that movie sci-fi, not a reflection of reality. But it wasn’t the first fictional attempt at exploring a mixed relationship. In 1981 the novel “The Silver Metal Lover” examined the roles of non-human sexual companions built to entertain human partners in a world devastated by pollution and natural disasters.

Thanks to the breakneck (and breathtaking) speed of technology, fiction has become reality. If recent news coverage is any indication, a robust market exists for these robot-human matches. There are dozens of apps that provide romantic companionship. Some might consider this a plus, considering how many singles complain about the dearth of suitable companions.

Of course, there are a lot of other advantages to digital romance. For one, you can design a chatbot lover to meet all your essential requisites. Attentive? Check. Loyal? Check. Loving? Check. Conscience of your needs and willing to please? Check. Won’t snap back? Check.

This kind of behavior will never ever ever happen with a flesh and blood partner, at least not consistently. In the all-human world of conflicting desires, compromises are crucial, disappointments common. What’s more, negotiating skills are necessary to navigate the shoals of coupledom — or any relationship, for that matter.

I’ve long likened a long-lasting relationship, marriage in particular, as a see-saw. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, and for rare perfect moments, both people might manage a perfect balance. As The Rolling Stones famously crooned, “You can’t always get what you want.”

But back to the magical, scary world of artificial intelligence. As technology gets better at mimicking human interaction, experts predict romance platforms — and users — will continue to grow. Which says a lot about life in the 21st century, and none of it good.

In an age where we can talk to almost anyone with the push of a button, loneliness has become an epidemic. Last year, the U.S. Surgeon General released a report that sounded the alarm about the quality of our connections. Americans now spend less time with friends than they did two decades ago, 60 minutes less daily, to be exact. He equated loneliness to be as risky as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, resulting in a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 29% increased risk of heart disease.

Will pillow talk with chatbots change that?

I doubt it. Virtual love is nothing but a stopgap measure for an ailment afflicting a society that favors productivity and material assets over human interaction. No matter how smart our machines get, there’s no substitute for the humanness, the carnality of another person: the touch of a hand, the caress of a breath on the neck, the tingle of skin against skin.

My advice? Be brave. Get out there. Mix and mingle. It can be heartbreaking, yes, but so worth it.

(Ana Veciana-Suarez writes about family and social issues. Email her at avecianasuarez@gmail.com or visit her website anavecianasuarez.com. Follow @AnaVeciana.)