Unsolicited Advice That Women Hear All the Time, and Why They Should Ignore It
“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.” - Maya Angelou
The ‘how ifs’ and ‘what afters’ of the society has killed more dreams than anyone can imagine. This holds true when it comes to women’s aspirations and the society’s unending need to pressuring them with unsolicited advice, every step of the way.
When you start school, you are advised about the appropriate length of your skirt. When you join college, you are advised about the right time to come back home. When you start working, you are advised about the right time to get married. The list is never-ending and so are the expectations. The mounting pressure on women to be perfect affects physical and mental health.
Truth be told, this is exactly how society controls gender discourse and has been exploiting women and their patience for decades. They reinforce their idea of the perfect woman and condition women to adopt patriarchal mindsets.
Let’s have a look at some of the weirdest pieces of advice society gives to women and girls, and why you should definitely ignore it.
‘This is the right time to get married’
Marriage as an institution is not only extremely overrated in our country, but is also considered as the holy grail for a happy and successful life. The foundation of marriage lies in two things – trust and mutual respect – which happen gradually.
Our society takes the freedom of choice away from the women and hounds them with ultimatums about how they need to ‘settle down’ before it’s too late.
The notion that every young woman should get married by a certain age is absolutely bizarre. People should get married when they feel it’s the right time and when they feel comfortable with the other person. It is a huge, life-altering decision that should not be taken under coercion. Therefore, take your time, figure it out, discuss, and do a lot of thinking.
‘Your biological clock is ticking’
Not every woman is born with a maternal instinct and not everyone wants to have children. Biological clock or not, having a baby is a personal and intimate decision which should completely be left to the mother. It is her body that will change; it is she who will have to go through numerous doctor’s appointments and sleepless nights. Therefore, the choice should rest with her.
Unfortunately, in our country, women having a choice is a privilege. Women are constantly grilled, especially if they reach an age which doesn’t suit the society’s narrative. To top it off, we place the entire responsibility of bringing up a child on the mother, and patronise her to the point where she starts questioning her individuality.
The job of bringing up a child is not an easy one, so make your decision only after putting in a lot of thought. Know that there is no turning back from there so ignore the advice and follow your heart and mind.
‘This is not the right profession for you’
From huge pay gaps to sexual harassment, work culture for women in India is already among the worst in the world. Despite that, women have come a long way in overcoming these hurdles by putting their best foot forward. Many are getting their dream job and are doing exceptionally well, irrespective of the gender dynamics. In spite of it all, non-traditional professions for women are still questioned by society and seen in a negative light.
Only recently, the Indian Army sanctioned permanent commission to women officers. This step has come across as a huge development in the way the world perceives women, and to some extent, has curbed the idea of women not being suitable to undertake certain professions. This will not only encourage women across the country, but will also give them hope and confidence that there is nothing that they can’t achieve.
So, the next time someone tell you can’t do something, ignore that, give it your best shot and prove them wrong.
‘Losing weight will make you look prettier’
It is appalling to see that even in the 21st century, our society continues to fat shame women for their weight and body type. The ideal body type is a myth because we are all built in different ways.
There is a difference between being skinny and being healthy, and with each passing day, the lines are blurring and people are equating the two concepts. The stigma around being a plus-size woman is so bad that people start throwing unsolicited in order to ‘motivate’ her to lose weight and become prettier.
Fat-shaming doesn’t help women lose weight, it only makes them more resentful of the whole process, which affects their physical and mental health. The need of the hour is to be more accommodative towards plus-size women and advise them on how to stay healthy, not skinny. That will be a better way forward.
Also read: Fatphobia: Are You Part of the Problem?
(Edited by Kanishk Singh)
