Valentine’s Day sends some mixed messages. Let’s rename it Keep Our Engines Running Day
My father could be counted on to destroy all the valentines I received from boys and throw them in the trash as soon as I got home from school the day we opened the Valentine Box.
He was not moved by the fact that we — the boys and I — were only in the fifth grade, nor by the fact that the rule was that you had to send a valentine to every child in the classroom so there were bound to be cards from boys. For some reason, my father just didn’t trust boys.
Just the same, I loved Valentine’s Day. I loved picking out valentines for classmates, each one had to be special and different.
Early in the month shopping started at Sprouse Reitz, where barrels of cards lined the aisles, filled with ordinary cards, 2 for a penny, nicer ones for a nickel and maybe for special people, 2 for a dime. These would have honeycomb balloons and all sorts of special embarrassing messages like a big bee with Bee Mine as the message. We weren’t heavy into subtlety. Once I spent a whole 25 cents on a card for James Laski!
So it took a long time — days and days of going back after school for careful deliberation — and the sales people at the dime store patiently waited for us to make our choices.
Roles changed as the years passed and those “keep everything zipped” days were followed by another 40 years of red jello hearts and sticky “I love you Mom” valentines. Then the roles changed again, and it’s the adult kids who try to see that Mom has valentines. After all, we tell ourselves, Valentines Day is only a commercial event and not important at all.
Not too long ago, I got a valentine from a thrifty admirer. It was still in the bag from the store, nothing written on it — the gentleman assured me that he had not added anything because the message was already perfect, and that way, it could be used again. Thanks, I think.
It’s easy to see why we often feel confused about Valentine’s Day, since the day does not have its beginning in love and romance, but memorializes the execution of one or more Saints Valentine (as many as four, according to some sources). When you reflect that there were several Valentines and none could keep his head, it’s no wonder we get mixed messages. Britannica says that apparently, romance entered the picture when one of the Valentines sent a message to a girl and signed it “your Valentine.” He was executed anyway. Couldn’t have been the outcome he was hoping for.
But, after all, February is officially the month of creative romance. So I take that to mean it’s a good time to look for wise advice.
My friend Angie says the most important advice of her marriage is written on a sheet of pink paper — and she’s pretty sure she has it somewhere. It says, she reports, “Communicate or Die. Thank you. Smiley Face.” While it might seem to the casual observer that there’s a bit of contradiction in the message, Angie says it’s important to speak plainly, say thank you, and keep a smile on your face. She further reports that she and her spouse are celebrating 39 years of Valentines Days. Thank you. Smiley face.
I got a note from a reader the other day. She reflected upon her accomplishments and all the things she had liked to do, and then wrote, “but of course my 83 year old engine is slowing down, and I can’t do as much.” Well, we just can’t have Karen’s engine slowing down. At this place in life, our main job has got to be finding ways to keep our engines running. There’s still a lot to do.
How about if we declare Valentines Day our Official Keep Our Engines Running Day and look for ways to get more out of every day — and to give more to the people around us.
Don’t be afraid to try something a little silly. My friend Norma and I usually eat dinner together and we’ve formed the habit of singing on our way out of the dining room. Now we aren’t very good — no, really, we’re terrible. But almost always as we leave the dining room there is applause — because we’re leaving, probably. But almost always two or three other diners will walk along and sing with us. You can almost hear the engines humming.
I wonder whatever became of James Laski.
Where to find Dorothy in February
Feb 5: Coffee Chat and Change The World. Find details and register at coffeechatandchangetheworld.com
Feb. 10: “Keep Your Engine Going” TV Premier. Details at keepyourenginerunning.org
Catch Dorothy’s podcast, Swimming Upstream Radio Show, at https://swimmingupstreamradioshow.com, any time you’re in the mood.
Contact Dorothy by phone at 800-548-9264 or via email at Dorothy@swimmingupstreamradioshow.com.
