Commuting is enjoyable and relaxing? Now, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard!

So a new study came out yesterday, showing that three quarters of Canadians who commute to and from work actually enjoy their commute and find it relaxing.

This study only confirms my long-standing suspicion that three quarters of the commuters I’m forced to share the road with are on crack.

There is nothing enjoyable about commuting. Except, of course, for those who consider getting a root canal or drinking urine a joyful experience.

Commuting is the third-biggest waste of a person’s time, after sleeping and watching Kevin Costner movies.

Think about it: A one-hour commute is two lost hours per day, 10 lost hours per work week, and 520 lost hours per year.

That works out to 21 full days a year just sitting in a car in traffic. Twenty-one days wasted, sitting on your butt trying to justify why you do this every day or wondering if you got hit in the head too many times as a child.

And that’s if you’re lucky. Throw in construction, road closures and accidents, and a one-hour commute can quickly double or triple in time. Any change in weather – a light drizzle, a dusting of snow, even particularly bright sunlight – turns what should be a smooth commute into bumper-to-bumper gridlock. For hours.

Come on, people, it’s a little bit of rain. It’s not Mazola, for Pete’s sakes! Just drive!

Perhaps these people who say they enjoy their commutes are listening to the radio on their way home. Personally, music only drives me more crazy when things are slow, because there’s a beat that’s moving at a pace that I could only dream of. So I listen to talk radio when I drive, which I mostly disagree with and only makes me more angry. And if it’s AM radio, it’s all commercials. How many times can you hear the same damned Alarm Force commercial before you start chewing through your steering wheel?

Or perhaps these mysterious mellow commuters are talking on the phone to friends and loved ones. That’s nice, of course, but wouldn’t you prefer actually interacting with these people in person instead of staring at that beaten-up old Honda Civic in front of you that is incessantly stopping and starting?

Or possibly these annoyingly cheerful Pollyannas were interviewed during the summer, when kids aren’t in school and they can relax, roll down their windows and get a cool breeze as they ponder the meaning of life. That’s a nice dream, but it’s only realistic a few months of the year. Otherwise, it’s cold, it’s dark, and you’re shoulder-to-shoulder with idiots who don’t use their signal lights, don’t leave enough space and don’t give a rat’s patoot about cutting you off in order to get four measly inches ahead of you.

No, commuting is simply an annoying hassle and a colossal waste of time no matter how you spin it. There is nothing enjoyable about it at all.

Over 10 years, I will have spent about seven months of my life sitting on my butt in stop-and-go traffic cursing ceaselessly at bad drivers and hearing that damned Alarm Force commercial for the 10-millionth time.

So I think I’d know. I think I’d be a frigging expert on the subject.