Benjamin Bratt’s Advice on Falling in Love and Getting Married Is So Sweet

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It’s been more than 20 years since Benjamin Bratt captured hearts all over the world opposite Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. He’s had plenty of romantic onscreen moments since then, but the now 60-year-old actor admits that even he was hesitant about stepping back into a traditional rom-com role with his newest film, Netflix’s Mother of the Bride.

Bratt plays Will, a successful businessman whose son R.J. (Sean Teale) is about to get married to Emma (Miranda Cosgrove). The twist is that when Will arrives at the destination wedding in Phuket, Thailand, he learns that Emma’s mom is none other than Lana (Brooke Shields), a woman he was rather serious with back in college.

Together, they awkwardly get reacquainted and learn that if they don’t get better at communicating, they’re bound to make the same mistakes they did as wildly-in-love college students.

“I had known Brooke, but I had never worked with her,” Bratt tells Glamour. “I had always counted her as a really terrific comedienne. She’s really adept at physical comedy…and very connected, very humble, very maternal. All those things proved to be true and the perfect balance, in hindsight, to really fulfill the role.”

In other words, he needn’t have worried about stepping back into the rom-com world. He and Shields shine together. And for those who have seen Bratt in more darker roles lately, it’s nice to see him taking on something perfect for the summer rom-com season.

But perhaps most refreshing is to hear Benjamin Bratt talk about his own love story, with his wife of 22 years, Talisa Soto. At a time where it’s normal to be cynical of even the best rom-coms, Bratt is proving that the real thing is actually a whole lot better.

Below, he shares how life got better once he tied the knot, what he wants his kids to know about love, and what Mother of the Bride taught him about letting go and having fun.

Benjamin Bratt: Hey, Jessica. How are you?

Glamour: I’m good, Ben…well, here’ my first question actually: I just want to say “Hello, Benjamin Bratt,” your full name, always together. What do you prefer? Benjamin? Ben?

Benjamin Bratt: I prefer Benjamin, but I answer to Ben. It’s always very unsettling to introduce or say my name in full. I was just on Loot episode four, season two, and part of it was a riff on kind of sending up myself. When I come in, I introduce myself to Maya [Rudolph’s] character, Molly, and say, “Hi, I’m Benjamin Bratt.” It feels so weird, I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s not normal.

We’re going to get to more of that in a minute, because it’s so good, I’m predicting a guest Emmy nomination for you. But first, I hear congrats are in order because you’re getting an honorary doctorate at San Francisco State University.

Wow. I don’t know how you learned that, but yes, that is correct. It was a total surprise to me. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a DFA, a doctorate of fine arts, but apparently there is. It’s in my hometown, though I never attended San Francisco State. My father did for a semester or two way back in the day, and my sister graduated from there. So it’s a real honor to return to my hometown and be recognized for a career in the arts. I’m going to bring my family. It takes place where my favorite baseball team, the San Francisco Giants, play. So it’ll be fun.

My mother always wanted to have a doctor in the family. She’s a retired nurse, and I remember when I was a kid she said, “I would always want to hear as I’m walking down Nine Long at UC,” which is one of the wings in the hospital, “Dr. Bratt, Dr. Bratt to OR.” And now I can tell her, “Just call me Doctor”

That’s what I’m going to call you now. Forget Benjamin or Benjamin Bratt—it’s just going to be Dr. Bratt the entire time.

Perfect. I’ll hold you to it.

So, Dr. Bratt, Mother of the Bride must have been a very strenuous filming experience at a resort in Phuket, Thailand.

Oh, the strain of the job. No, it’s funny because the great irony is, for as much fun as I ended up having and as much as I count it as one of the better experiences in my career, I hesitated initially. I’m more of a character actor, and as I’ve gotten older now, opportunities to play darker characters—particularly villains or people who have thought to be of somewhat villainous—have come about. So my focus was really there.

When Brooke Shields and the rom-com came across my desk, I paused and thought, Aren't rom-coms over? And also, I’m not really thinking about that. The truth is I hadn’t exercised that muscle in a long, long time, probably not since Miss Congeniality, which not to remind you too much, but that was back in the ’90s. So I did hesitate, and then Mark Waters of course signed on as director, and he directed Mean Girls and Freaky Friday and Ghost of Girlfriends Past. So this was his wheelhouse. It was just a matter of opening my mind to what the experience would be like.

And the movie is so fun and heartfelt.

The heart and soul of the film really is in its exploration of love and how to keep it alive and how to live with it as it changes. It’s really about a mother and daughter’s relationship. I find that very profound because I’m at a stage where my two children are becoming their own individuals. My son’s about to leave for college in the fall, and it’s hard after spending a lifetime of teaching them everything to let go and watch them fly on their own and learn for themselves. It’s exactly what you want to happen, and yet it’s emotionally very difficult. So all those things that exist within the film are very relatable. That’s what brought me to it.

Brooke’s character gives a really lovely toast in this movie. Since your kids are now a little bit older, what kind of advice do you give them or what advice would you give them about love if they asked?

To trust in it, to give over to it. I think—certainly I was—as a young man growing up in a Western society, you kind of go to it kicking and screaming, and the institution of marriage is something to fear a little bit. As much as I always understood and always knew that I wanted to be married and wanted to be a father, there was always a bit of hesitation in sliding heels-first to it.

I didn’t realize until after I exchanged vows with my wife that it was literally as though someone pulled the curtains back off of a darkened room. The sun came out and I realized, Oh, what was all the hesitation about?

Wow.

It was about all the wrong things that I had been told and learned. Because what I discovered in the aftermath of marrying Talisa was that the best part of my life began. You share all the most important things with your partner. It’s not to say that marriage is easy—it actually requires a lot of sacrifice, but that sacrifice is made with mutual understanding and building something beautiful together that goes beyond anything you’ve ever experienced personally for yourself.

And then when you add kids to the mix, it all really makes sense. That’s when I really began to define for myself and hone in on the specificity of my values and the list of priorities that I really live by in my own personal life. In reflection of a long career and of long-term friendships and extended family relationships, what became crystal clear to me was that this relationship, my marriage and to my wife, and my position as a father are the most significant and the most profound relationships I have.

Okay, do you get to give a speech when you get this honorary degree in a few weeks? Because I feel like you could give quite the commencement speech on love and marriage.

You’re sweet to say that. I think they’re expecting something like three to four minutes, so I don’t know…but I want to come up with something anecdotal and funny, so I have to find that. Maybe I’ll talk to Brooke about coming up with something. Brooke is funny.

Let’s play a little game I made up called Do or Don’t: Rom-Com Wedding Edition, starting with a destination wedding. Is it a do or a don’t?

Do.

Do or don’t: destination wedding that requires a 10-plus-hour plane ride?

Don’t.

Even if it’s in Phuket, Thailand?

No, it’s too far to go. I want the people near and dear to me to also attend, and that’s too much to ask. Or too expensive for me to pick up the bill for.

Do or don’t: not meeting your kid’s future in-laws until the wedding weekend?

Don’t.

I mean, I would be majorly upset if what happens in the movie happened in real life. At least get on a Zoom to meet.

I mean, they’re going to be part of the family, so you better get on board with it, for sure. Yeah.

Do or don’t: choreographed wedding dances?

Do. You know what? I would’ve said don’t before I made this movie, but because this particular sequence was not in the script at all, kind of an add-on that Mark Waters came up with, and it was a hell of a lot of fun, so I would say do.

Good for you. Okay. Do or don’t: going commando on the beach when you’re a public figure?

Do. And have done. Do and have done.

Way to go! Let’s go back to your episode of Loot. Maya Rudolph’s reaction in the scene when you first come on is so brilliant. How do fans react when they meet you for the first time?

Maya’s response is not a typical response. I would say generally speaking, when people are sort of surprised by seeing me sitting next to them on a plane or in the produce section of the supermarket or at the car wash, it’s a little bit of surprise but then it’s genuinely appreciative of the work.

People always say, “Oh, I loved you in this,” or ”I loved you in that.” It’s Modern Family or it’s Law & Order or it’s Miss Congeniality or it’s some obscure independent film that I did back in the late ’90s. And typically and usually, it’s always about the work, which I ultimately find flattering. I don’t mind being stopped in that way because it’s a reflection of a real appreciation for what I do, but it also reminds me of why I do it. I do it for them. And so if it’s garnering that kind of reaction, then I must be acquitting myself. I must be doing my job well. I always take it as a compliment.

Mother of the Bride is now streaming on Netflix.

Jessica Radloff is the Glamour senior West Coast editor and author of the NYT best-selling book The Big Bang Theory: The Definitive, Inside Story of the Epic Hit Series.

Originally Appeared on Glamour