Cheslie Kryst’s mother opens up about finishing the book about her daughter’s life
Editor’s note: This story contains mentions of mental health and suicide. If you or someone you know needs immediate assistance, help is available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988 or visiting 988lifeline.org.
Like many mothers and daughters, Cheslie Kryst and April Simpkins were extremely close, talking every day. But, one day in 2022, Simpkins picked up the phone to call her daughter after teaching a workout class — one she’d thought about skipping — and instead had a text that changed her life forever:
“First, I’m sorry,” Cheslie had written. “By the time you get this, I won’t be alive anymore and it makes me even more sad to write this because I know it will hurt you most.”
Before she tragically died by suicide at age 30, Cheslie had begun working on her memoir and nearly two years later, her mom has completed it. The newly released book, “By the Time You Read This,” begins with Cheslie’s story in her own words. Her mom then picks up the narrative, and she shares what she went through after her daughter’s death.
Finishing what Cheslie started
As the longest reigning Miss USA in history, Kryst had a significant and historical impact. During her time as a titleholder, she was part of the infamous “Black dynasty” of national and international pageant queens.
Aside from the coveted crown she’d worked for years to earn, she also held a long list of other titles she was famously known for: special correspondent for Extra TV, global impact ambassador for Dress for Success, attorney and USC track and field athlete — just to name a few.
[SHINING BRIGHT: After 557 days as Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst’s reign ends soon. But she’s not done.]
In the book, Kryst opened up about her reign and the trials and tribulations she faced before, during and after her tenure as Miss USA, including dealing with imposter syndrome, online bullying and the pressure to be perfect.
“While her intention had been to write a book about a distinct period in her life — balancing her work as Miss USA, an attorney and an Extra correspondent — she also gave a behind-the-scenes look into the minds, thoughts, feelings and emotions of a woman battling and managing depression,” Simpkins wrote.
The story had been in the works since 2021 — the same year she first published a piece about her reign and the reality of turning 30 — and her mother was determined to see it through for her daughter, to share her life and death.
“It feels like closure because I know it’s something she wanted,” Simpkins told CharlotteFive. “I had not ever in my life written a book. I had no idea what the process was like, and so I didn’t know what to expect. But some days, it felt like I was pushing a boulder uphill by myself so at this point, honestly, it feels like closure. It was the last wish that she left for me that I was still working on.”
The two had a very close relationship, so much so that they were also best friends.
“We would talk all the time anyway … but when she would come home, it’s like we were inseparable,” Simpkins said. “We could sit and have a very serious heart-to-heart conversation about relationships, about faith, and we could shift gears and rewatch “The Devil Wears Prada” and laugh until tears were coming, you know, as we’re reciting every word.
“Like, I miss that connection. It felt mutual. Like she had someone who just got her, and I had someone who just got me, and so I miss that.”
Though Simpkins knew her daughter had been working on a book, she hadn’t seen the manuscript until after she passed.
“There weren’t any surprises in the book, by way of experiences. But there were some things that I learned regarding her deep emotion,” she said. “There’s probably only one part of the book that when I first read it, it really kind of broke my heart and that was, in the beginning when she was talking about meeting her stylist … about wearing suits and and you know, how that got her choked up.”
After winning Miss USA, Kryst left the stylist meeting feeling defeated about finding a common ground on a wardrobe that could work for appearances but also felt true to who she was.
“I struggled with thinking I wasn’t good enough for the role I’d earned, that I would never measure up to the perfection I assumed the other fifty contestants were capable of and would have displayed if given the chance,” she wrote in the book. “The constant inner voice repeating ‘never enough’ was compounded by the treatment from the world seeming to confirm my fear.”
That feeling of “imposter syndrome” wasn’t just one that she mentioned feeling in a performance, competition or interview, she went on to say, but something she dealt with in everyday life, too, especially being a young Black woman.
“I love that Cheslie touched on that in a very transparent way in the book, because it is something that we all as Black women have to manage,” her mother told CharlotteFive. “There’s an expectation that I think rests on the shoulders of each of us that when you step forward, you represent all of us … and she felt that.”
But despite the backlash and bullying, she still presented her bubbly personality — online and off.
“A big part [of her legacy] was just how authentic she was, and I think that’s what made her relatable, and made so many people feel like they could connect with her,” Simpkins said.
“A part of who she was that I absolutely adored, was the depth and breadth of her knowledge … so you never felt you never felt like you weren’t enlightened or important or valued when you talk to her .… it’s one of the reasons why, in my opinion, so many people consider Cheslie to be their best friend — because when they would talk to her, whether they were asking her advice about law school or pageant dresses or places to go in New York, like, she could engage with you. And I love that about her.”
[ONE OF A KIND: ‘She embodied grace’: Former Miss USA and NC lawyer Cheslie Kryst remembered.]
‘A supporter, not a savior’
With the new book, she hopes it’ll not only help carry out her daughter’s legacy but also be a reminder of the importance of mental health, which she now calls her life’s mission.
“At Cheslie’s funeral, I kept thinking, ‘I have to survive this because my family shouldn’t have to bury me this soon after losing Cheslie,’ Simpkins wrote in her portion of the memoir.
“I had to keep going. My husband needed me, my children needed me and Cheslie needed me. She needed me to tell her story and save lives.”
After reading the manuscript, Simpkins thought, “This is the only book my baby will ever write, and her words, her honesty in sharing her emotional and mental state, balanced with her vulnerability, are going to save lives. People will read this and relate to her.”
As detailed in the book, Kryst struggled with depression for years.
“When Cheslie passed, there were so many people who would declare that they couldn’t believe it … that someone like Cheslie could be struggling with depression,” Simpkins told CharlotteFive.
“So I hope that in reading the book they learn that sometimes there’s a difference between a person you see and the way they feel … and that’s why I declare all the time, just be kind, because you don’t know what people are going through.”
‘By the time you read this’ book tour
In honor of the release of “By the Time You Read This,” Simpkins will be hosting two book signing events with a Q&A session in the Charlotte area. The first launch event will be at 7 p.m. on Thursday, April 25 at the Barnes & Noble Arboretum location, followed by another at 6 p.m. May 2 in Rock Hill at York Technical College. At 6:30 p.m. on Friday, May 3, Simpkins will be a guest speaker at a National Alliance on Mental Illness Charlotte benefit at Southern Pecan Gulf Coast Kitchen.
Net proceeds from book sales will go toward the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, founded in her honor.
“I knew that I wanted someplace for those funds to go, that would continue Cheslies legacy of giving, so that is what this foundation is going to do and I’m just so proud of it,” Simpkins told CharlotteFive.
“I cannot wait until we are able to send our first check out to an organization that is out there doing the work and needs the support so they can help our youth and teens with their mental health and well being. I just cannot wait for that day.”
Find more information about the events and where to purchase the memoir online at bythetimeyoureadthisbook.com.
