Stay Far Away From Netflix’s Terrible New Kevin Hart Movie
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There are roughly 47,000—oh, wait, a new Netflix Original just dropped, make that 47,001—TV shows and movies coming out each week. At Obsessed, we consider it our imperative social duty to help you see the best and skip the rest. We’ve already got a variety of in-depth, exclusive coverage on all of your streaming favorites and new releases, but sometimes what you’re looking for is a simple Do or Don’t. That’s why we created See/Skip, to tell you exactly what our writers think you should See and what you can Skip from the past week’s crowded entertainment landscape.
Nick’s skip: Me Time is Kevin Hart’s worst movie yet, setting a new record for Most Audible Groans in Under Two Hours. Hart and Mark Wahlberg head out for childish shenanigans to boost their freefalling masculinity, but the laughs cease at Wahlberg’s character’s name: Huck Dembo. I will concede that hearing “Huck Dembo” does barely justify this film’s existence, but how can they explain the other 90 minutes?
“It’ll shock no one that, at regular intervals throughout this mirthless affair, Hart is also demeaned as a “bitch” and a “pussy,” and told that he has no “balls,” the film underscoring his quasi-castrated condition so often that the headliner’s schtick begins to feel borderline masochistic.”
Coleman’s pick: Kevin Can F**ck Himself remains one of the most clever shows on TV in its second and final season. If you’ve ever woken up on your couch at 3 am with a migraine and Friends blaring from your television at levels that shatter the sound barrier, you’ll understand Annie Murphy’s relentless rage in this highly-original sitcom/dramedy combo.
“But the genius of the show is that whenever Allison leaves the poisonous orbit of her husband, the sitcom style instantly flips into a single-camera dramedy. It would be easy for a series like this to use its gimmick as a crutch. A show can only last so long running on the fumes of its initial novelty…But Kevin Can F**k Himself proves that its ambitious concept was a springboard to create one of the most defiant and powerful stories on television.”
Kevin’s skip: How many times can these horny Europeans get it on? The Next 365 Days’ once-controversial franchise sex scenes have fallen flat, but at least this time there’s some gay kissing. Still, another 365 days? That’s just so many days. Aren’t they tired? Don’t they need to hydrate? They’re losing bodily fluids at rapid rates and I didn’t spot one Vita Coco on anyone’s bedside table. Watching people play fast and loose with electrolytes like that, I can only suspend my disbelief so far.
“Sometimes, it’s just fun to watch some hot people fuckin’. But that’s what is so frustrating about The Next 365 Days: It’s not fun at all. The movie itself is less a coherent film than it is a patchwork of cheesy montages set to corny pop ballads that, at best, could be called “music-adjacent.” The sex scenes, while gratifyingly long and plentiful, are shot and lit so that it is impossible to really decipher what is happening within the tangle of moaning bodies—and therefore, most disappointingly, be truly turned on.”
Fletcher’s pick: There was a time not long ago that seeing Idris Elba engage in hand-to-hand combat with a giant lion was unimaginable. After all, even cinema has its limitations! But thankfully, the courageous souls behind Beast were there to give us what we never knew was possible. It’s silly, it’s extremely fun, and where else can you see one of our hottest actors take on a really pissed-off cat?
“With no ammunition left, Nate enters the ring with his bare hands and a small boy scout knife. ‘Oh,’ I thought to myself, thinking I was smarter than the movie. ‘Idris Elba is going to lure the titular beast into the other lions’ den, and the other male lions will protect their pride. Idris Elba is not going to fight the lion with his knuckles.’ I was wrong.”
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