A completely unscientific guide to avoid catching a cold or the flu this winter

Everyone around me is sick. And they’re endlessly coughing, wheezing and whining about it, annoying me to no end.

I almost never get sick. I can’t remember the last time I felt under the weather, and my boss can attest to the fact that I’ve never had a sick day. It’s probably been a decade since I last threw up. It’s so long ago that I can’t even remember.

Maybe it’s genetics, maybe it’s because I built up a strong immune system by exposing myself to all kinds of germs and viruses as a kid, when I endlessly played in dirt, water and snow, and thus hardened my system to the elements that today’s “bubble generation” seems rarely exposed to.

And maybe it’s common sense. There are some things I just don’t do, like taking public transit, which I swear is a petri dish for disease and pestilence and probably why 90 per cent of the people around me are sick.

Here, therefore, is my completely unscientific guide for avoiding illness over the winter months.

Avoid public transit at all costs: Think about it – how many people have touched that handle over the past 24 hours, and how many people are crowded next to you during that morning commute? Germs thrive on the dirty, dank surfaces of bus railings and seats. If just one passenger over the day had the flu, you’re toast. I consider buses tubes of Black Death.

Avoid children: Like zombies, they are walking germ dispensers. They touch everything that they can’t stick directly in their mouths. And once one kid gets sick, everyone in the family is just counting down the hours until they get it. I call this one reason No. 131,412 that cats are better than kids.

Get out of 'sick buildings': In the 70s and 80s, they made a lot of buildings that “recycled” air instead of blowing the bad air out and sucking fresh air in. These buildings are infamous for recycling germs from the guy coughing and sniffing on the fourth floor right into your cubicle on the seventh floor. If you happen to work in a sick building, wrap your cubicle in a plastic bubble.

Wash your hands: C’mon, this one is simple. Wash your hands thoroughly and regularly. Use the cleanest sink available, and use a paper towel on all the handles, including the door leading out. Use paper towels instead of hot-air dryers – those things are giant germ machines that never seem to dry your hands properly, anyway.

Invest in disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer: And keep everything you can control clean.

Use common sense when touching things: Have you ever seen someone clean an ATM? Or a light switch? When was the last time you disinfected your cellphone? And have you heard all the horror stories about hotel TV remotes? Public keyboards? Disgusting. Keep your gloves on when you go up the elevator and enter your office and you won’t touch any germ-ridden surfaces until you get to your desk.

Hmmm. Looking back on this, I’m basically suggesting that in order to avoid catching a flu or cold this winter you should avoid people and buildings and don’t touch anything.

Yep, that sounds about right. And remember that tip about public transit. Avoid at all costs. You can thank me later.

(Photo courtesy FOX News)

The Surly Old Man is a real old man who is particularly surly. He will contribute only when angry.