OPINION - There's a toxic online debate about being the 'right' kind of mixed-race — and I hate it

A nasty debate has broken out online about how someone’s mixed-race identity is impacted by which of their parents is white. In a post that has now been seen almost seven million times, one anonymous X user compared “mixed-race guys with black mums vs mixed-race guys with white mums”, with pictures of footballer Jude Bellingham looking sharp in a suit (the former) and YouTuber Troopz holding up bags of a substance that looks like marijuana on his sofa (the latter).

Is this post saying that mixed-black men with black mums turn out to be more successful? It seems to be that, and that mixed-black men with white mums aren’t taught how to be “properly black”, and overcompensate by playing up to stereotypes and tropes? That’s my understanding.

What is obvious is that mixed-race identity is constantly up for debate, without actually involving those with literal skin in the game. In fact, Troopz, whose dad is mixed Moroccan-Pakistani, doesn’t have a white mum, replying to the post: “Do your research before you tweet bulls**t for likes, my mums 100 per cent a black Jamaican woman.”

People shout on social media that mixed-race people always want to talk about their mixed-race identity, but can you blame us? Only recently have we developed a language to talk about our diverse experiences and found platforms on which to connect.

I’ve seen mixed-race people with white mums called “crazy biracials”, while another X user posted that they would hold off on listening to singer-songwriter Cleo Sol (who has a Serbian-Spanish mum and a Jamaican dad) because “biracials been wylin” (i.e. acting crazy).

I’ve watched as online debates dictate who can and can’t call themselves black, interviewed Miss World Japan about the backlash against her due to her mixed Japanese-Indian background, and laughed awkwardly as a white woman told me I was “too beautiful” to have a white dad (my mum is Punjabi). There’s a lot to unpack, including the fact that not everyone has a white parent, but it seems we’re not allowed to do it without being mocked.

Does a “white mum = bad” complex imply an absent or uninvolved dad? Or does it simply rest on the fact that mothers shoulder the burden of childcare? Does it even matter? I’m tired of these jokes, and I’m tired of mixed-race people being dismissed.

Isabella Silvers is a freelance journalist