“We are told to lower our expectations because fat bodies are viewed as undesirable and sub-human, and we should be ‘lucky’ to have someone find us attractive, and hell, if we are lucky, truly love us,” she wrote on Instagram. “So for me, love was always something foreign, and because of that I allowed people to treat me poorly because I didn’t fully know how to love myself.”
Holliday has declined to share the status of her relationship with her husband, Nick Holliday, but told Parents in January that he has been living in his native Australia since September while “working on himself.” She said in her Instagram post that she’s had to “let go of the life” she had planned while removing herself from people who made her feel bad about herself.
“I wish I could stand here tell you that loving myself was the only key, and from that point on, I never allowed anyone else to treat me poorly… but that’s not the case,” she said. “I’m writing this as someone who is learning to let go of the life I had planned so I can make room for the life that’s waiting for me.”
Holliday, who came out as pansexual in July, said she’s now “able to choose myself.”
“Self-love is a lifelong process, and I still have so much to learn,” she said. “To recognize myself in the mirror again, to live loudly and unapologetically, to heal, and to share all of this with you all… to me, that’s what real self-love is. To be able to let go of something that was hurting me, and to be able to choose myself, that feels like a new love I’ve never experienced.”
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The mom of two also left her followers with some advice: “Go look at yourself in the mirror, & repeat after me: ‘I am beautiful just as I am. I am loved. I am valued. I am not alone. I love you.’ We got this.”
Holliday’s post filled up with positive comments from her followers, and she thanked them for their support later that day.
“Thank you for all the love on my most recent post. It’s not easy to talk about, but there is a lot of healing and love to be found in being vulnerable with others,” she wrote on her Instagram Story. “Thank you for all the love, kind words and the stories y’all have shared.”