Amanda Kloots Isn't Prepared for Son Elvis, 3, to Ask About Nick Cordero: 'He Doesn't Understand'
Amanda Kloots is trying her best to talk to son Elvis Eduardo, 3, about his father's absence from his life, but she's struggling to find the right words.
"There's no way to prepare yourself," the 40-year-old, whose husband Nick Cordero died from COVID-19 in 2020, shares with PEOPLE exclusively. "There's just no way, so I can't. I can't even think about it."
The Talk co-host and the Broadway actor moved to Los Angeles from New York City during the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic in March 2020 when Elvis was just 9 months old. Shortly after their move, Cordero fell ill with the virus and suffered many complications, including needing his leg amputated and being placed into a coma.
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Ashley Becker Amanda Kloots, Nick Cordero and their son Elvis
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On July 5, 2020, Cordero passed away from the disease, leaving Kloots behind to care for their son, who's just recently started to ask heartbreaking questions about where his father is.
"That started in September," Kloots says of the questioning from Elvis. "September was a very hard month for me. It's back to school, it's back to work, it's Nick's birthday and it's our anniversary. It was literally one thing after another. I was not my best self in September."
The Fit For Christmas co-writer and star was so lost with what to say to her toddler that she couldn't help but shed some tears.
"Elvis started asking questions and it started with, 'Why doesn't daddy live with us?' " Kloots recalls. "That was not easy. I broke down immediately. I was changing his diaper. We were getting ready for bed, and every night I have him hold this pillow of Nick and I say, 'Tell Dada about your day,' while I change his diaper and it's so cute. Sometimes he just tells him about school or I'll say, 'Tell him what you had for dinner.'"
Sonja Flemming/CBS
"He talks to Nick and holds his pillow, kisses and hugs him a little bit, and then he said that, so I just bawled," says Kloots. "I had no game plan for this because I had no idea when it would come."
Quick on her feet to reply to her son's questioning, the mother of one decided to be honest.
"I told him that daddy got sick, he went into the hospital and he died and that he's in heaven now," Kloots says. "And that he watches over us every day and he's with us every day and you can always talk to Dada and you can see him in your dreams. That is what we've discussed."
"His 3-year-old brain seems to understand that and seems to comprehend it, so I haven't pushed any boundaries there because then, he'll still just be like on random occasions, 'Is Dada still dead?' and I'm like, 'Yes.' He's three. He doesn't understand," she adds.
Sonja Flemming/CBS
Although Elvis doesn't fully comprehend what his mom is saying, Kloots knows it's important for him to ask questions and keep her husband's memory alive.
"I always ask him, 'What's your favorite memory of Dada?' " Kloots says. "He'll be like, 'When Dada fed me.' That's just a video he loves to watch. Who knows what he remembers? I love that he clearly has these memories of Nick and I love that he is starting to piece things together and understand it, and he'll continue to do that."
Kloots has spent every day grieving since her husband's death and stays busy doing things she loves, like working on her holiday movie or having discussions with her co-hosts at The Talk, as she now navigates dealing with her son's pain, too.
"That's why I always say grief, it never goes away," Kloots says. "Because now I'm starting to grieve Elvis' grief and grieve how he's learning and grieving. It's just another layer of the onion that comes off. You just start crying again because it's a new layer of the onion. And now, I'm dealing with that, so it's always a challenge. That's why it never goes away."
The Talk airs weekdays at 2 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT on CBS and streams on Paramount+. Fit For Christmas airs Sunday, Dec. 4 at 8:30 p.m. ET/8 p.m. PT on CBS and Paramount+.
